It must have been the hottest day in summer, and as usual, I was wearing my long sleeve black sweater. Heading down into the subway, I was hesitant to take it off. But I walked into the subway and into the train car. Of course there is no air conditioning. I had to take it off. As I began to take my sweater off, I felt one stare. In a matter of seconds, I felt four.<\/p>\n
Pretending not to notice, I sat down, counting down the stops. Not a minute after sitting, a woman leaned over to me and said, \u201cWhy are you bleaching your skin? Are you not proud of your skin? You young girls need to embrace who you are.\u201d<\/p>\n
What was I supposed to say? I didn\u2019t even understand what was going on with me. How could she know that years ago, I had been diagnosed with vitiligo, an uncontrollable and non-contagious chronic skin disorder? So I sat quietly fighting back tears and anger. How could someone just assume these things about me? Did everyone in the car think the same thing? That day, it was very clear to me that I would never fit in, and people would never accept me or my vitiligo.<\/p>\n
I was diagnosed at the age of 10. It started out as a small spot on my back. It quickly grew into spots on my forearm and legs, covering about 40% of my body. From my pre teens into my early adulthood, I suffered from severe depression and struggled with suicidal behavior.<\/p>\n
Most people just see vitiligo as a cosmetic disorder, but it\u2019s so much more. Imagine having a secret you don\u2019t<\/p>\n
want to share with anyone, and one day you\u2019re forced to wear it everyday. You can\u2019t hide it, and you can\u2019t escape it. That\u2019s just a small idea as to what a person with vitiligo has to deal with every day. That plays on a person\u2019s mind. For me, it played frequently.<\/p>\n
I couldn\u2019t accept the fact that vitiligo was going to change me. Everyday felt harder then the last \u2014 looking in the mirror and seeing myself disappear. How do you cope? How do you silence the negative thoughts that run through you mind? How do you ignore the stares?<\/p>\n